What is LOVE?
The question of what constitutes “Love” has persisted for centuries and been the subject of an enormous number of songs, poems, books. paintings, etc… ad nauseum. What is love? I want to know what love is?? Power of Love ??? and, of course, Bleeding Love ???? are all wonderful examples of what love is NOT.
The Greeks tried to explain love by identifying various types of love. They distinguished “romantic” love from “fraternal” love or “erotic” love and “Agape” (an unconditional love espoused by early followers of Jesus of Nazareth). I believe these names are, at best, horribly confusing since “Love” has nothing to do with romance, sex or feelings. The problem the Greeks created is that their views seem to have served as the basis for or at least colored much Western thought, despite the fact their views are wrong. Indeed, regardless of the West’s self-proclaimed interest in objectivity, the West has largely given up on treating love as anything other than some form of emotion or feelings. While emotions may drive one’s behavior, thoughts and words it is imprudent to allow them to do so with any frequency. In the end as with so many things, the West has got it wrong again.
“Love,” in its most important and meaningful sense is NOT a noun . In fact it is a verb. Early Christians were instructed to “love” as in the Gospel of John (13: 34-35) in which the followers of Jesus of Nazareth are told - “As I have loved you, so you also should love one another. This is how all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. “ While modern “Christians” have increasingly eschewed the instructions of the man they claim to follow, their disturbing lack of faith does nothing to change the simple words of Jesus. The life of Jesus of Nazareth was intended to be instructive, to SHOW his followers how to love. Invariably, the words and actions of Jesus constituted what he meant when he told his followers to “love one another” as he had loved them.
Further underscoring this message from Jesus is the fact even the most detailed reading of the 4 canonical Gospels will show they spend little to no time discussing how one might or should feel. To the contrary, Jesus instructs his followers to ACT regardless of feelings. Indeed, in the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus expressly instructs his followers to LOVE their enemies (Matthew 5: 43-48)
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your heavenly Father, for he makes his sun rise on the bad and the good, and causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what recompense will you have? Do not the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brothers only, what is unusual about that? Do not the pagans do the same?”
Put simply, LOVE is about what you DO and say and NOT about how you feel. The simplest examples I have in my own life involve my spouse, my children, my grandchildren and my friends. It is not only customary but inevitable that every human in my life will disappoint me in some fashion (as I’m sure I’ve disappointed them) however BECAUSE I love them I will not act based on my feelings, I will act out of love. Need an ear to listen - listening is Love. Overwhelmed with emotions - a kind word or a heartfelt hug are the responses of Love. Angered about something a person you love has done that gives rise to painful emotions - putting those things aside to reach out a hand is an act of Love. Love is a verb.
Clearly, “doing” love in the face of fear, pain and anger is NOT an easy thing. Acting despite such feelings is the surest way to confirm you are acting out of Love. In a world filled with fantasies about romance and “soulmates” only acting and speaking out of Love can bring one to a place of internal peace. Indeed, while I no longer hold the religious faith of my childhood my faith in Love has only grown. No matter how much anger or hurt I may feel regarding another, I have learned that by reaching out to someone in need not only do I help them, I help myself because forgiveness too is an act of love even if it means forgiving one’s self. Surely, acting out of love towards one’s self may be the most essential act of love because the more I genuinely Love myself the more Love I have to give.