The Scourge of "Scorekeeping."
In the world according to Capitalists, in order for something to have “value” it must be worth something else of value, usually something tangible. One’s widgets, as it were, have value based on what others are willing to pay for them. Unfortunately, our society increasingly treats human relationships the same way. Every day you can easily find articles telling you to dump “toxic” relationships which, it seems, are those that don't give you “value” while exhorting you to seek out relationships that add value to your life. Such an approach towards your fellow humans is a sure path to a truly worthless goal.
People are not mere objects and, like it or not, the Universe does “reward” those who fail to see the inherent worthiness in nearly every single person living today. This reward is often referred to as Karma. Amazingly, many who tell you that others are some sort of odious garbage to be avoided will also shower you with lies about their abiding love for their fellow humans claiming fealty to God (including adherence to the commands of Jesus of Nazareth). Tellingly, Jesus told his followers to LOVE their enemies, to be kind to the downtrodden, to give our possessions to those in need. Indeed, Jesus consorted with all manner of toxic people. Tax collectors, lepers, prostitutes and sinners of every stripe. It is easy to love those whose value to us is apparent, but those were not the people Jesus called to follow him.
16 years of a Catholic education taught me a thing or two about the qualities of Jesus of Nazareth including his clear choice to bring a message of love and hope to those shunned by “God fearing” people. The only true fear such people have is getting soiled by interacting with human detritus. The more we treat other humans based on how they can benefit us the less human we become. Certainly, there are those who prudence dictates we should not engage with on certain topics or in certain ways but that is not the same thing as disposing of challenging relationships and people. If one wishes to follow Jesus, it is these relationships we must learn to face and successfully manage.
The truth is that there are, indeed, those who we simply cannot help but that doesn’t make them unworthy of our concerns or assistance it merely means they’re not yet ready to receive the gifts we have to offer. In the Gospel of Matthew, Chapter 18, verses 21-22 Jesus is asked a question and gives instruction in response -
“Then Peter approaching asked him, “Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus answered, “I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times.” It’s almost certain that was not the expected response from Jesus yet it is based on Jesus’ constant reminder that it is our duty to LOVE, not judge and certainly not to shun because someone is “toxic.”
In the end, our relationships with other humans are not mere happenstance but are instead our invitation to Love. Each of us is hopelessly imperfect and ultimately unable to achieve perfection yet, even so, the Creator of the Universe invites us to not only accept the Love we’ve been shown around the world and throughout all creation but to share the Love we have received and will do so for as long as we live. Contrary to the heartless speech of those who encourage us to dispose of “toxic” people we are called to Love one another. We must learn to truly understand Love is NOT a commodity rather it is as an eternally spring-fed well. Mother Teresa encouraged those who followed her to “return to the well” of faith and love and we must if we are to truly Love others. The Universe is our source and is the spring from which Love flows. When we find ourselves growing weary of dealing with someone’s shortcomings and ugly traits we must learn to return to the well from which Love springs for it is from there we will find that hope and faith also flow. It is there we are offered the greatest truths of all.