Because - "F*** Your Feelings!"

and Whether the U S of A is DOOMED!

One of the most vivid realizations I came to about my years in High School is how completely they were dominated by emotions. I am convinced my experiences were far from unique. A look from a girl I had a crush on, a harsh word from a friend, a better than expected grade in a class I had struggled with all had one thing in common - FEELINGS. Each and every one of these things and countless more triggered emotions in my teen psyche. Fortunately I outgrew those years as had I not I can’t begin to imagine how unpleasant my life today might be. Unfortunately it’s become increasingly obvious that, as a Nation, we’re still locked into our teenage mentality. So very much so that “disagreements” are largely emotional diatribes launched at someone who “hurt our feelings” by implying that we were “wrong.” Spend a few hours on Facebook or any other social media platform on which folks can post responses and you’ll see how accurate my statements are.

Being human necessarily means that we must deal with emotions. They are part of a biochemical response to stimuli our brain processes as something that is impacting our vision of our selves. Despite their physical origins they, nonetheless, occupy our minds far out of proportion to their relevance in our actual lives. Consider a basic human relationship such as a couple that is “romantically” connected. While the biological need for such a relationship is quite simple it is the psychological need that underscores almost every aspect of that relationship and it’s incredibly large impact on our daily lives. One might suspect that because of its outsized influence on our “happiness” we would use our minds to both manage AND control that influence using reason and being truly mindful about such a core relationship however, one would be quite wrong. While the way a loved one views us is certainly important as to the quality and value of our relationship with them even as adults we continue to allow that relationship and the feelings associated with it dominate much if not most of our waking moments.

In point of fact feelings and emotions so heavily dominate our day to day lives that often we leave room for little else. When my father died as I stood beside him in a hospital room I didn’t eat for several days. I didn’t choose to not eat, I simply didn’t because the emotions I was facing left no room for paying attention to physical hunger. I entered the deepest depression of my life and it took not only time but a prescription from my doctors to finally lift me out of it. It was, in so very many ways, a turning point for me. I learned that no matter my age emotions will always be a part of me and have a direct impact on my views of what truly matters. Somewhat surprisingly, I concluded that it is NOT emotions and feelings that matter so much as understanding WHY I have them and making intelligent choices about how to address them in a way that allows me to flourish both because of and despite them. It is only recently I realized that my approach is relatively unique and that is most certainly NOT a good thing.

One thing I’ve come to understand is that the average American does not take advantage of “counseling.” While we rarely hesitate to call a plumber for a leak or clog, a mechanic for car troubles or an electrician when needed, we rarely contact a psychologist or similar when we have emotional or psychological problems. Despite the fact that “Emotional Intelligence” has found its way into our vernacular it has not found its way into the lives of the average American. One of the biggest reasons for that appears to be our failure to recognize many of us are lacking when it comes to intelligently dealing with emotions. Emotions will be with us so long as we live. Intelligently dealing with them however is incredibly elusive. Today our airwaves and Internet sites are adorned with terms such as “mindfulness,” “meditation” and “life skills” without ever offering any path to or opportunity for genuine understanding.

Feelings and emotions are, like air, an essential part of life for humans. Just as we know we should never look to toxin laden air to keep us physically alive we should also know that toxic feelings and emotions can make us miserable yet - we don’t. Instead, I have seen COUNTLESS statements from individuals literally blaming other human beings for their feelings and emotions when, in fact, few things are more uniquely our own as they are manufactured by our very deepest selves. It is the notion that “someone else” is the source of our feelings and emotions that threatens the future of our nation and, individually, our opportunity for genuine happiness. While believing this untruth is understandable, since our feelings and emotions are often in response to another human’s words or actions, the reality is that WE and we alone are responsible for our feelings. We are their source and ONLY WE can choose to deal with them intelligently. I am not convinced our society will ever come to understand and act upon this important and fundamental truth but I KNOW, if we don’t, the end is not only certain, it is one I would never wish upon my worst enemies.