More than a Feeling
Over, I’d say, the last 30 years I’ve increasingly realized that we humans have a huge tendency to NOT understand our “feelings.” There are many reasons for this but one of them is a persistent albeit unspoken belief that we choose our feelings. Nothing could be further from the truth. Indeed, the same can be said about our “desires” though I suspect those too are but a type of feeling. Spend even a few moments contemplating the source of your feelings and desires and you’ll find they are almost always unbidden. We don’t choose to have them but we have them just the same. The only real choice we have concerning them is to either focus on them or not. In the Western world very few folks understand this reality.
Consider "love” at first sight. In truth there is no such thing. That’s because love, unlike emotions, is a verb, it involves choices. Attraction at first sight is certainly a thing but love, because it absolutely involves conscious choices, is not an emotion. Feeling butterflies, passion, focusing on the object of our attraction are also not choices. The problem with emotions and unbidden desires is that we don’t have a choice when it comes to experiencing them. When a loved one passes beyond this physical realm we are often overcome with emotions. That’s because emotions, feelings and desires are born not out of choice but out of our species’ biological command to survive and reproduce and losing a part of our human “foundation” is understandably frightening.
When we find another human “attractive” that attraction is driven by the fact our species has evolved to be social (to, inter alia, increase our chances of successfully reproducing and surviving long enough to ensure our progeny survive). Importantly, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with these biology based responses to the world around us. We have feelings because we have no choice in the matter. Choice arises when it comes to what we are going to do about or with our feelings. One thing we generally learn the hard way is to NOT let our feelings drive our choices. That’s not to say they can’t or shouldn’t factor into our choices only that our choices should not be primarily driven by emotions.
Humans experience a myriad of emotions/feelings/desires. A critical and deep dive into their sources and purposes is quite worthwhile. To begin with, humans are not the only species to have emotions. The best examples of this are fear and anger. My 4 pound Chihuahua mix routinely exhibits anger towards a much larger dog in our household. He will also exhibit fear in certain engagements with humans. There’s a reason humans and other animals have these feelings - survival. If someone or something constitutes a threat to our survival, these particular emotions come into play and are a large part of what is referred to as “fight or flight.” For reasons unclear to me, most medical and mental health professionals might stipulate that fear and anger are indeed survival mechanisms but then balk at the suggestion all feelings are from the same source. Yet a simple and honest examination of my own life tells me that is precisely the case. When I first noticed females I would now and then develop a “crush” on some of them and, in every case, it was unbidden. That reality persisted for most of my life to date. There was no particular rhyme or reason with the exception of the fact I found each of them attractive. There were no limits on height, skin color, eye color, etc,... I either found them attractive or I did not (even though this was sometimes subject to change). This process was repeated for years and then complicated by my first amorous encounters including physical intimacy (which turned out to be quite the eye opener). The feelings were flying fast and furious for some time.
Sometime after turning 30 I was finally able to separate my mind from the feelings I had towards women I found attractive and was able to realize I had no choice in the matter. What I realized next was that I needed to accept, regardless of all else, the attraction I felt was largely a matter of actual or perceived traits in a woman and not the product of my conscious choices. When I first met my wife of 34 years the very first thing I noticed were her big brown eyes. I was instantly smitten. When I proposed to her I understood I had to accept her as she was and not as I would like her to be. This was a marked change from earlier relationships in which I often idealized the object of my affection.
What all of this, hopefully, leads us to is understanding the growing, negative impact of unbridled emotions in ourselves and in our Nation today. The question, of course, is what can we do about it? For starters, let’s try the truth. Humans are not born with an innate ability to manage strong emotions. Such a thing can only be learned. Beyond that, we must restore an educational system that not only encourages but helps build critical thinking skills. Without a meaningful ability to think, humans become de facto slaves to their emotions. When intellect based problem solving skills are not learned AND used, we’re left with a bag of emotions which we have no ability to truly master. The epidemic of violence in this Country is readily traceable to this reality. Mass murderers of all kinds tend to be individuals with no ability to manage their emotions or desires. Indeed, today’s politicians focus on feelings rather than substance. Might uncontrolled emotions be a root cause of Domestic Violence, Workplace Violence or Road Rage, it surely seems so.
Indeed, having observed the de facto war between utterly unfounded political and social “views” between Blue Maga and Red Maga has been what I imagine a train wreck would look like in slow motion. So many individuals have adopted positions involving politics by willfully ignoring the truth. If you want to see how bad it’s gotten just ask anyone on Social Media - WHY they hold a particular position. I suspect you’ll be blocked, reported or worse. Multi-decade friendships are being flushed because the people in them have been subsumed into the “Cult of Feelings” in which critical thinking and open-mindedness are the first casualties.
My recommendation for any who wish to stop the spread of emotion driven life in favor of life choices driven by reason, investigation, critical analysis and, above all else, fidelity to objectively discernible Truth, is to stand up and fight back. Read thought provoking books, articles and magazines that are not simply regurgitation of agendas. Take a class on Logic. Read about the Sophists, the much maligned pre-Socratics who were all but buried by Plato for daring to not work for free. In short - free your mind, and your feelings will follow!