Did You Hear the One about the Guy Who Did a Face Plant?

On March 22, 2024 I had what turned out to be the most humbling experience of my life. 10 days after undergoing a “shunt revision” for my Normal Pressure Hydrocephalus I had a seizure, immediately followed by a fall onto my tile floor without the benefit of my arms and hands breaking my fall. The results were quite “interesting” and somewhat lengthy. I suffered a subdural hematoma, a protracted loss of consciousness and several weeks in a hospital bed along with the accompanying less than enjoyable hospital food. On the upside, I lost about 40 pounds though a bit too much of it was muscle. I spent a number of days in an Intensive Care Unit, (including battles with MRSA and other life-threatening infections), several weeks in a rehab facility and several days dealing with blood clots and low blood pressure.

To say this was a life-altering experience would be the grossest of understatements. I was unable to drive for a few months, learned about the curse of incontinence, the enduring joy of back spasms and the loathsome side effects of opiods. I was unable to effectively practice law and was forced to quickly conclude the few open matters I had been working on. Overall the greatest impact was probably on my generally healthy ego. While it survived it was only after plunging to previously unimaginable depths.

I remember very little of my time in the ICU though the things I do remember are bizarre, to say the very least. At some point I recall managing to extract my right hand from a restraining “mitten” long enough to yank a feeding tube out of my nose. I’m told I also pulled out a PICC line but don’t recall that. I’m also told I berated some family members for not helping me get out of the hospital though I do recall having a conversation with one of my cousins who happens to be a Superior Court Judge arguing with him about the legal right the hospital had to not only keep me there but do so with the use of restraints. (California’s Welfare and Institutions Code section 5150 limits the amount of time a person can be held due to a mental health crisis to 72 hours).

All in all I must say this was probably the worst experience of my life (though falling down the stairs at Filene’s Basement is a close second) and I highly recommend doing whatever you can to NOT have a seizure or any of the other problems noted above. My experiences taught me that most health care workers are grossly underpaid and that we should do everything we can to maintain our health (as full recovery is and remains a HUGE challenge). I’ve literally prayed that I never have to go through this sequence of events again. Probably the most terrifying moments were those I experienced as I plummeted towards my floor. I knew I was falling, could NOT move my arms to break my fall and my last thought before being literally stunned was “this is going to hurt.” (It did). Until next time be well and DO take care of yourself, it can save you an almost literal world of hurt.